Occultation
by baka deshi
Summary: Last spring, Kinomoto Touya saved his best friend's life-but his sacrifice was not without its costs. Clow Read has also made sacrifices, long in the past. Sometimes the past can poison the future, as Sakura and co. are about to find out...
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: The CCS crew all belong to CLAMP, save Kero-chan. I bought his loyalty with cookies ^_^ 

A/N: This is the start of something I've been planning for a while, since every story has to start somewhere. It centers around the lasting effects of some of the decisions Clow made in his lifetime, and how they affect Yue and Touya in particular. This will eventually become fairly dark and yes, there will be some original characters, but I promise NO MARY SUES! So don't worry, hang on tight, keep all your limbs inside the car for the duration of the ride, and here we go… 

**~Prologue~ **

* * *

The snow swirled all around him, settled on him, and his shirt stuck to his back where the sweat was freezing. Touya shifted his backpack uncomfortably and pulled his scarf off, trying to find some happy medium between 'roasting' and 'popsicle'. That was the problem with winter, he thought darkly as he tugged off his gloves. It nothing but extremes out. You had a coat, you were roasting. Take it off, you were an ice cube. His head was hurting again too, which didn't make him any happier; the shooting pains in his temples were coming together and threatening to throw an all-out migraine party. He yawned, then winced in annoyance as the headache-lets tap-danced across his head. 

_Great, just great!_ Touya scowled as he looked at his watch. It was already 9:15, which put him a half-hour late to start with, and if he wasted any time hunting for aspirin he might as well kiss his psych grade goodbye. Kazu was a cool TA, but not nearly lax enough to forgive three weeks of shitty attendance. At least he could make it by the end of the hour, if he took the 9:30 bus, and hopefully he could bow and scrape his way out of trouble with his math prof. and get _that_ assignment done by the end of the day. He'd tried to get it done last night, but there was that stupid writing assignment for Rhet and then Sakura's school play, and then that bastardly stat homework which took two whole hours…well, he could get it done. He'd just concentrate on getting by for today, and he'd make sure to set his alarm next time. He'd set TWO alarms. Hell, he'd even set-- 

A car zagged too close and sprayed him with slush, snapping him out of his semi-comfortable state and stinging his legs with chilled water. He resisted the urge to run screaming at it, and slapped at his pants instead, attempting to flip the icy slush off before it soaked in any further. Eventually, he just gave up and wrapped his scarf around his head again, trying to make up for his frigid legs by overheating his body. 

Lousy weather. Lousy _world_. He kicked a small snowman that was sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, a crude lump of crap-snow that had 'college prank' written all over it. The slushy snowballs snapped off the crude phallus and tumbled into the street, mixing with the salty run-off from the highway. It was mildly disappointing that no one hit it. 

He moved to one side as a young woman passed in a hurry, futilely trying to warm her legs by pulling her jacket down over her too-short miniskirt. Ha-ha. 'Freezing your ass off', indeed. Touya stared after her briefly, wondering why on earth a sane human being would wear something that short in winter-- 

--and just for a moment, there was something _more_ to her, a depth that hadn't been there even a second before; a strange sort of intensity that made her hum like a tuning fork against the everyday static. She was beautiful against the background, wrapped in a burst of energy that set dark hair on fire and made the swing of her hips a seductive dance. Her power called to him sensually, curling around his body and then singing _through_ him, making his mind scream with light and sound and color and taste… 

Then it was gone. 

For a moment, he just stared stupidly, trying desperately to hold on to that image of perfection. It failed, like it always did: the song drained from his head like water through a sieve, slipping through the cracks and running out of his memory all together. The beauty went with it, rushing out of her form and dissipating instantly, turning her back into a simple secretary with dyed hair and a too-short skirt. 

It happened like this, sometimes, when he ran across someone with the power; the soul-deep connection between one mage and another was stronger than anything earthly. Even without magic he could sense it sometimes, in little bursts that made his blood run hot and his soul ache painfully. He'd given it up for Yukito, relinquished a lifetime's worth of magic to save the one he cherished, and yet… 

Sometimes he still heard their voices. 

But there wasn't time to worry about that now, he reminded himself sternly, pinching the bridge of his nose until the girl and her aura (or lack thereof) faded from his memory altogether. He was late for class, tired as hell, and he didn't have time to be worrying about magical flashbacks. He needed to get to campus, get his homework turned, and get his shit together or this would be an even crappier semester than the last. He turned on his heel and slipped on the ice, but at least he was headed in the right direction again. 

In the distance the girl simply kept on walking, her ample hips as steady and rhythmical as a metronome. She paused only briefly before disappearing into a building of granite and chrome at the end of the block, and then passed out of Touya's life forever. 

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~ 

Yuki was waiting at the bus stop for him, like he always was, and for a moment Touya forgot his own troubles. He must have been waiting at least twenty minutes, unless he'd overslept too. They usually took the early bus to campus so Yuki could make his sociology lecture, not the nine-thirty. A twinge of guilt made him hustle, and Touya jogged the last thirty feet to the glass waiting booth. 

"Morning, To-ya." Yuki greeted amicably as ever, favoring him with a smile. He was dressed surprisingly lightly in a nylon jacket that didn't look like it would stand up to a strong wind--let alone the howling sleet-rain they'd been getting. Then again, Yuki was never cold. 

"You waiting long?" Touya asked breathlessly, ducking into the enclosure. "God, aren't you cold? Ever?" 

"Not really. Want a coffee?" Yukito offered, reaching into one of his ubiquitous brown grocery sacks. The can was steaming hot, sending curly tails of mist into the frigid air. To Touya, it was manna from heaven. 

"Thanks," Touya said sincerely, and slipped his thumb under the aluminum tab. The can opened with a refreshing crack, waking him up just a little bit more. 

"Damn, I love the taste of coffee in the morning." he grinned, and took a swig. The liquid was surprisingly hot, burning his lips painfully. "Shit!" he exclaimed, and jerked the can away from his mouth. 

"They got cold, so I went to the 7-11 to zap 'em." Yuki announced, somewhat apologetically. "I think they got too hot." 

"Oh." Touya snorted, a little amused. Yuki made it sound like it was his fault the coffee had gotten cold, when Yuki had been the one on time... Then the words sunk in, and Touya did a double-take. "You did WHAT?" 

Yukito blinked a couple times before realizing the cause of Touya's outburst. "Oh, well, the owner knows some fire magic." As if this were a normal, everyday occurrence. Touya's surprise must have been visible, because Yukito quickly continued, "I mean, I didn't use the microwave this time. I'm not THAT stupid, you know." 

"Oh." Touya sighed weakly. "No, I know you're not. I just didn't…" He shook his head. _Going to the 7-11 to get your coffee re-heated by magic_… Yukito lived in a very different world, he was starting to find out. It was hard to believe sometimes that he was friends with someone whose knowledge had curious gaps regarding modern conveniences like microwaves, but thought nothing of bending space-time to conjure up dinner… He shook his head and decided to roll with it. It made things easier. 

"It's awfully convenient." Yuki continued explaining in a low voice, as if he suddenly had to justify himself. "Otherwise you have to get a pot of hot water and then dunk the cans in it, and then they're all wet and you—" 

"Naw, I get it." Touya interrupted, trying to calm his friend down. "Why bother when you've got magic for free, ya? That's what it's there for." Yukito nodded, looking happier. "I just didn't know he was…" 

"Yeah, on his mother's side. They didn't use it very much at home, though. He got his aunt to teach him a few things before she moved out to Toyama, that's the only reason he knows anything. We talked about it the other day while I was waiting for you." 

Touya shook his head, amazed as always. That was the thing about Yuki. Yuki got to know _everybody_, even the random people you normally didn't notice without effort. They could be in a restaurant five minutes and he'd already have the waitress's name, her major, and her three pet turtles' names. Double that, if she was magical. They'd practically be attached at the hip in that case, and she'd be willing to ditch work and follow him right out the door. Touya often wondered what it would be like if Yuki were a normal guy. He'd be up to his ears in sorceresses, that's for sure, if he weren't so sweetly oblivious to their interest. 

Not that Yuki wasn't normal. Touya mentally kicked himself, praying he never said anything that stupid out loud. Yukito was perfectly normal, it's just that…well, he was more than most people, and leave it at that. 

"I wish _I_ knew some heating spells." Yukito said suddenly, and Touya looked over to see his friend staring at another can of Mr. Java. It wasn't steaming any more, and condensation was already building on the side. "All I know is how to make stuff cold. Kinda useless, huh?" 

"Hey, that's useful!" Touya protested, purposefully taking a swig of his rapidly cooling beverage. "We're just not drinkin' the right stuff. I bet it's great for soda." 

"Yeah." Yukito's pale lips split into one of his heart-stopping smiles, and Touya swallowed hard. If he pressed Yuki's can to his cheeks, he could probably boil it right on the spot. "I think we could do that." Yuki continued, spinning the can between his palms thoughtfully. 

_'We'…meaning Yue,_ Touya thought, chugging the rest of his Java in one go. It was disturbing how easy it was to forget about Yue, now that he couldn't see him all the time…like it was just Yuki there, doing all this. But Yuki didn't have magic—or at least, didn't know about it—until sometime last April, and Yue was the reason he didn't know much of anything to begin with. They'd been sealed in some book for the last hundred years, so of course they didn't know how much stamps cost…or where you put the needle to inflate a bike tire…or what happens when you put an aluminum can in a microwave. Little things, like that. Bits and pieces that were missing around the edges, so that the sum-total never quite seemed to work out to a 'regular' person. Yes, Yuki was real, nobody could deny that; it was just that sometimes… 

Sometimes… 

A blast of cold wind sneaked its way around the plexiglass and bit at his face, putting an effective stop to that thought before it could go anywhere dangerous. Touya was both annoyed and relieved at the same time. Thinking too much about these things was a problem. It didn't do anything but confuse him and upset Yuki, and it wouldn't change their situation at all. They still had to live with it, at the end of the day, and if one ruined microwave was the worst price the Kinomotos had to pay for Yukito's company…so be it. 

But damn, that wind was annoying. 

"A bit nippy, isn't it?" Yuki observed unhelpfully, watching Touya fumble desperately with his scarf. 

"Uh-huh." Touya muttered through his teeth. "I just wish I could figure out whether it's hot or cold out." 

Yukito smiled again, a little shyly this time. He stepped closer, so they were just shy of touching, and placed a hand on Touya's elbow. Touya turned to him and swallowed hard, trying to shove his heart back down into his chest. This close, Touya could smell his cologne—light and delicate, not as heavy as the usual Manly Musk. Touya had bought it for Yuki's last birthday. 

"I could spell you." Yuki said softly, raising one hand to Touya's arm. "At least you wouldn't need that scarf anymore." 

"Really?" 

Yukito nodded. "Yeah, it shouldn't be hard. It won't make you warmer, but at least you won't know how cold it feels." He paused for a moment, and his eyes briefly attained that unfocused "talking to Yue" look. His lips moved ever-so-slightly, as if he were actually shaping the words they were thinking to each other. Touya watched, fascinated, as the silent conversation played out, Yuki's supple lips rounding around the syllables he couldn't quite bring himself to voice. He'd sometimes considered learning to read lips, just so he could understand both of them. 

Yuki came back in focus and began talking to him again, looking slightly chagrined. 

"…And my other half says he's tired of seeing you mess with that scarf all the time. He says it makes you look…now, that isn't very nice!" Yukito scowled and spaced out again. Another brief pause, which seemed to be an argument. "…like you've got a tic or something." Yukito finally sighed. 

"Hey!" Touya bristled. "I don't mess with it THAT much!" 

Yukito coughed and glanced at his watch. 

"I don't! You tell him that—" 

They both stopped in unspoken agreement and waited for an old lady and her dog to totter past the bus stop before resuming the argument. 

"Here." Yuki said simply before Touya could start again, and pressed a hand to his friend's cheek. 

At one time, he probably would have seen the magic circle spreading out beneath Yukito's feet and the swell in his aura; now all Touya was aware of was the faint impression of wings and a soft thrum of power. Cool liquid seemed to spill out of Yuki's fingers and envelop his body, tingling everywhere until eventually the chilly sensation felt comfortable. The wind felt nicer too, like it was suddenly April. 

"Just like that...it worked?" he breathed, feeling like an idiot the minute he did. Of course it worked. What had he expected, explosions and fireworks? He opened his eyes, only barely aware that he'd closed them, and— 

--and Yuki was blazing like a bonfire. Well, not blazing exactly—humming was more like it, humming a song that he hadn't heard in the eons it had been since he'd last had his talent. The shock of it thudded through his veins and made his headache worse, but not even that was enough to override the wonderful feeling that was Yuki, pressed close against him, and the aura singing around them… 

God, he could _feel_ them again. Both of them, together under Yuki's skin. He wasn't sure how it worked, he never had been able to describe it even when he could see it constantly, but there they were, twined around each other like a Mobius strip. If he looked hard enough he could separate them, just for a moment, and Yue's face would superimpose itself over Yukito; then it would dissolve back into ether and Yuki would be Himself enough to send him a soul-deep smile. He did so and Yue was laughing at him, amused at his surprise and willing to risk a smile... 

Then the power drained away and he was left with nothing but the wind, tickling pleasantly at his neck. 

And he was tired. 

Oh lord, he was tired. It was worse than waking up in the morning, it was worse than running a marathon, worse than that time he'd try to stay up three days straight at soccer camp. It was like someone had reached into his spine and unplugged a cork from his neck; all of his energy was draining out onto the ground and leaving his limbs weak and senseless. His knees buckled alarmingly, and he threw a hand out against the frame of the shelter, trying desperately to steady himself. 

"Now you'll have to be careful and keep yourself heated." Yuki was saying a thousand miles away, moving in slow motion through thick molasses. "You won't feel cold but you'll probably be cold, if you know what I mean, and you don't want to get frostbite or anything like—" 

Touya slumped down on the wooden waiting bench, fighting the urge to flop face-first onto the ground. There was a roaring all around him now, black closing in on the edges of his vision and he couldn't see anything but the tunnel ahead of him; the darkness was growing and he was struggling to keep his eyes open when all he wanted to do was sleep--

"To-ya?" 

"Huh?" Touya bolted upright all of a sudden, jerked back into consciousness by the sudden nearness of Yuki's face. Yuki was sitting next to him, shaking his shoulder—when had he moved? 

"To-ya?" Yuki was looking at him strangely, and pressed a cool hand to his forehead. "You alright? You look tired." 

"'M fine." Touya lied, rubbing his eyes. "I just stayed up too late." Which was also a lie. He'd keeled over at ten last night, on top of his homework. _**Before** setting the damn alarm! _He remembered again, still pissed at himself. 

Yuki smiled, but his eyes were strained. "You've been tired a lot lately." he said, almost accusingly. 

"And I've had a lot of homework, okay?" Touya snapped. Somehow, he resented having Yukito hovering over him. For a moment, he thought he could see Yue again, looking worried as hell under Yukito's frame, and that pissed him off too for some indescribable reason. Dammit, they were always hovering like this…_always_ looking at him like he were some sort of invalid. 

"To-ya…" 

"Yuki, I'm _fine_." he said gruffly, and brushed his friend's hand off his shoulder. "Don't worry about it." 

"But—" 

"Drop it!" he snapped, and turned away. 

He stood up as quickly as he thought he could handle, giving Yuki a reassuring smile as he did so. The roaring behind his eyes increased and he forced down a yawn, trapping it behind his lips and sending it out his ears instead. He didn't want Yuki to see him weak anymore, dammit, he thought they were _over_ this. He'd been tired a lot since he first lost his magic, admittedly never this bad, but he still could put up with it. It was _Yuki_ he couldn't put up with, his incessant worrying. _Are you sure you're alright, Touya? Have you been feeling okay? I hope you get better soon._

And underneath it all, that silent apology. _It was all my fault, To-ya. I didn't mean to steal it from you._

_It was a **gift**_. He wanted to snarl every time Yuki looked at him with that stricken expression, the same one he was wearing now. _Dammit, just accept it!_ But it remained a division between them, when it should have been a bridge, and there was nothing he could say or do that would make it better. It was just so… 

Frustrating. 

Yukito rose to stand beside him, brown eyes shadowed with sadness. "I was just being considerate, you know. You didn't have to snap at me." he said quietly, and Touya realized he was right. As aggravating as the situation was, Yuki didn't mean any harm by his attentiveness. 

"I know." Touya said, by way of apology, and reached out to muss his friend's hair. It was something they did often, just to bug the heck out of each other, but Yuki flinched and ducked away. He withdrew his hand slowly, feeling even more like a heel by the minute. 

"I've just had a really crappy day, that's all." he sighed. "Didn't mean to take it out on ya." 

"Day?" Yukito asked, and a glimmer of his usual cheerfulness surfaced. "It's only nine-thirty." 

"Well, a really crappy _morning_ then!" Touya grinned back, glad to see his friend smiling again. "C'mon, let's go." he grunted, thankful that bus was finally moseying up to their stop. The whole goddamn world was out to get him, but it wasn't Yukito's fault. He needed to get his shit together and just forget about girls and their magic, and Yukito's haunting brown eyes. 

And above all, he needed to _wake up_. 

~_~_~ 

He ended up sleeping through the entire bus ride to campus and most of his morning classes too, despite three extra cans of Mr. Java. Yukito followed him to his one o'clock discussion to keep him awake, even though Touya was pretty sure that it meant he was skipping class. He hated it, and would have protested, but somehow he was in no shape to argue with either one of them. Because Yue's presence was there underneath it all, materializing in the form of Yukito's amazingly iron resolve. If he'd actually broken loose and escaped from his lectures (which he was tempted to do anyways during econ), Touya suspected that a certain winged creature would probably come swooping down, tie him up, and drag him back to the lecture by his ears. 

The spell wore off at some point later in the day, but neither of them suggested renewing it. 

* * *

Please review! 


	2. Chapter 1 Penumbra

A/N: Well, unfortunately my previous beta reader is no longer able to help me out due to personal obligations. Chapter 2 is already (mostly) done, since I wrote these first two in a big chunk, but it could sure use another pair of eyes to check it over. Requesting volunteers, if anyone out there is interested… If not, please try to review instead. I feel like I'm running blind right now, and I could sure use some comments to help me along ^_~ 

**Chapter 1 **

* * *

The train pulled up to the Yamanote platform at exactly four-thirty, screeching to a halt more abruptly than usual. Yukito swayed sideways in his seat and smashed hard against the large office lady to his left, caught off guard by the sudden stop. She snorted heavily and startled out of her nap to glare balefully at him, piggy eyes filled with resentment. 

"Sorry." he apologized out of habit and ducked his head politely. Her thick lips curled back as if she were going to snarl…but something overrode the impulse at the last second, and they twisted back into a neutral position. The light in her eyes took on a different quality as she scrutinized his slender form, and her puffy cheeks scrunched up in what almost passed for a smile. She shut her mouth firmly, and said nothing at all about his bony elbows as he pushed himself back into an upright position. 

_Moonstruck._ Yukito thought absently, and began the difficult task of getting out of his seat. His knees were caught between a tall standee's legs, and he nearly tipped himself back into the big woman's lap as he tried to extract them. She was still making cow's eyes at the back and his head, and for one heart-stopping moment he thought she might even pull him back down...but the moment passed, and her thick hands remained firmly in her lap. A gaggle of school girls burst into a fresh fit of embarrassed laughter as his eyes flicked their way, and he didn't need to be psychic to know who they were whispering about. 

It happened like this sometimes on the trains, especially late in the day when the cars were full to bursting with commuters. To those who were sensitive to the Moon's influence, even the tiniest bit of moon magic was enough to be intoxicating. The plainest person in the world would seem attractive with even a fraction of the power Yukito carried, attracting admirers like moths to a candle. In Yukito's case, the effect was more like a five-alarm fire, turning normal, rational people into smiling fools. And at this range…he sighed at the sheer number of slack-jawed stares, and tried not to let it bother him. At this range, he melted people's _brains_, not just their hearts. 

He rose up on his tiptoes and tried to reach the overhead storage compartment, momentarily forgetting the folly of making himself more noticeable in a crowd. One of the schoolgirls shrieked and blushed bright red as his head popped up above the sea of normal, black-haired people, and the others waved emphatically in his direction, trying to get his attention. He smiled at them blandly and groped for his backpack, shuffling carefully through the other carry-ons that had fallen on top of it. Below him, the office lady's eyes continued boring holes through his clothing. The sound of her breathing made his skin crawl. 

The doors slid open not a moment too soon and the train began to hemorrhage passengers, including the disappointed fan girls (who had not managed to fight their way over to him). Yukito smiled again and retrieved his backpack as best he could with someone's arm planted squarely in his face. He really hated riding the green line at this time of day, but this was the first train that had come in and they were already late. That had been Touya's fault. _Again._ Yukito scowled in frustration as he followed the crowd toward the door, clutching his backpack to his chest for lack of anything better to do with it. If Touya was going to make appointments with his advisor, he needed to stop doing it on days when they'd promised to go shopping with Sakura. 

He pushed his way onto the platform with surgical precision, cutting around a tall foreigner and sneaking out the very far side of the shuttle doors. The station was awash with the usual mix of people, most of them crazily dressed and under the age of thirty. He paused just long enough to put his backpack on properly and nearly got trampled for his efforts, hissing under his breath as a girl in a tight skirt trod directly over his toes. He thought about saying something but the crowd swept her away in an instant, enveloping her within a group of dyed-blonde fashion queens. He peered through the herd in confusion, trying desperately to locate his companion somewhere in the mass of tanned, pierced students. Had Touya waited for him on the platform, or was he already headed downstairs to the exit…? 

Someone nudged him hard in the side, and Yukito turned on his heels, expecting to see Touya. Unfortunately, all he saw was the same gaggle of schoolgirls, all grinning just a little too widely for comfort. There were seven all told, high school juniors by the look of them, and judging by the giggles, it had been no accident that they'd 'bumped' into him again. A familiar swell of annoyance welled suddenly, deep within his chest, and for once Yukito shared Yue's frustration with humans and their insufferable, unfathomable ways. 

_We don't have time for this._

"Excuse me!" he started, hoping to slip away without incident. "Didn't mean to run into you." Which was the truth. He really, truly, had not wanted to run into them. 

They tittered amongst themselves, still not budging. Their dually-appointed spokeswoman blushed brightly and stepped forward, obviously moon-struck. She was nearly as red as her heavily dyed hair. "Um…so…" 

"Yuki!" 

Touya swooped out of nowhere, surprising them all with his suddenness. Yukito's shoulders sagged in relief and he stepped away slowly, glad for the easy out. Even without his Talent, Touya had the most uncanny sense of timing. 

"Been lookin' for you everywhere!" His friend pronounced, cutting between Yukito and his would-be suitors. The girls deflated visibly in front of them, looking almost comically defeated. Touya had that effect on people. Whether or not he meant to, his intensity always overwhelmed you. 

"I was stuck up near the door. How the hell did you get a seat?" He asked, sounding somewhat incredulous. 

"Just lucky, I guess." Yukito replied modestly, though that wasn't entirely accurate. When the crowd had pushed him back toward the bench seats, at least five people had gotten up and offered him theirs. Not wishing to be impolite, he'd eventually taken one—if nothing else, because then the others would sit down again. 

"Whatever. You done with your fan club yet?" He jerked a thumb to the side, indicating the high schoolers. They hissed as if they had suddenly come to a boil, glaring at Touya through glassy, angry eyes. Yukito shifted uncomfortably under their gaze, wondering why on earth they couldn't just give up and move on already. Except that of course, he _knew_ the real reason. The attraction affected everyone differently, forcing them to dig deep within themselves for whatever methods they used to get what they really, really wanted. For some people (like Sakura-chan, she really was so sweet), it accentuated the positive - their kindness, their caring, their willingness to help. But in others... He glanced at the bristling fangirls and sighed. For a great many people, it simply brought out the worst. 

Sometimes, magic could be a real _bitch_. 

One of girls hissed an ephithet at Touya's back, a nasty thing that sounded painful just to pronounce. It was a foreign word for harlot, specifically one of the male variety, and Yukito cringed, hoping against hope that Touya hadn't picked up on it. No dice. His dark head jerked back violently, and Yukito could practically _see_ the wheels turning. He stiffened and tried to find the right words to apologize---but for whom, he didn't know. 

Touya said nothing, merely stared at his insulter with a kind of regal disinterest. It was the sort of look a giant would give an insect; the flat, bored gaze of the almighty looking down upon mere mortals. The girl shrunk back and averted her eyes, but her stance remained tough and resentful. Touya squinted his eyes. For a moment, it looked like he was going to say something...and he snapped his mouth shut and turned aside. Yukito recognized that sudden, too-bright gleam in his friend's eyes, and he knew _quite_ well that no good could come of it. 

"Say, Yuki…" 

Touya leaned over and looped a casual arm across Yukito's shoulders, just tightly enough to be suggestive. The sudden contact made him shiver, and his heart started drumming in double-time, thumping so hard it felt like it might pop out of his chest. 

_What in the name of all that's holy...?_

"We need to get out of here." Touya continued gruffly. "We wouldn't want to be late for our 'very important date' now, would we?" 

Little gasps tore through the school girls like wildfire, and their representative looked like she might just melt into the floor. Yukito, for his part, caught the ploy and ran with it, trying not to grin too much. 

"Of course not, darling." he replied in his most syrupy voice, and gently slipped his arm around Touya's waist. "Let's go." He was rewarded with an audible mass-sigh of disappointment, as if seven helium balloons had suddenly deflated at once. 

They hooked arms casually and marched toward the exit, occasionally sparing a backward glance for the hapless high schoolers. The girls were looking more and more mournful by the second, and Yukito honestly thought one of them might break out into a funeral dirge. 

"Oh man…" Touya hissed, and sucked hard on his teeth. Yukito was having similar problems, and his cheeks were seriously starting to burn from the effort of holding his grin back. They just barely managed to make it out of earshot before they split apart and started laughing, leaning against the newsstand by the stairway for support. 

"Thanks." Yukito said finally, once he could breathe again. "Wasn't very nice, though." He tried to sound reproachful but failed miserably. 

"They deserved it." Touya said simply. "_They_ made the call; I just went along with it. Not my fault if they weren't happy with the results." 

_The rude girl looked like she wanted to throw herself off the platform._ Yue added, slicing through Yukito's train of thought like a PA announcer cutting in over elevator music. He sounded amused as well. _It's fortunate she chose not to…I would hate to see the trains delayed. _

"Yeah." Yukito replied, both to Touya and to Yue. It was still disturbing sometimes, to realize the thoughts in his head weren't entirely his anymore—that they'd never been. It was hard to remember clearly, when so much of his life was a fog, but he thought he recalled a time when he'd seriously thought he was going crazy. Yue's voice had only been pale whispers then, mere shades of what he heard now; little suggestions that niggled at the back of his head until he finally went through with them. And through all that, the steady and growing horror that something wasn't quite right with the world… 

"So where'd you come from, anyways?" he asked Touya, searching for something—anything--else to talk about. 

"I was standing over by the wall watchin' for you when your groupies attacked. Looked like you could use some help." his friend replied. 

"…yeah." He admitted at length. "I know they can't help it, but..." 

"You get tired of it, don't you?" Touya completed. It was a statement, not a question. 

"No, I don't mind! I'm sure they're really sweet girls, underneath." Yukito protested, more out of habit than anything else. "It's just—" He paused long enough to dodge a man charging up the wrong side of the stairs. "I wish I could turn it _off_ once in a while, y'know? Just live through one whole day without somebody spacing on me. It would be...nice." 

"Mm. I suppose so." Touya responded noncommittally. He began walking toward the stairs again, looking slightly lost for the moment. Yukito trotted after, cursing himself for an idiot. 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ Yukito scowled. _What on earth possessed me to bring** that** up?! Here I go complaining about my magic, when he…when I…_

_When we're the reason he doesn't have any of his own._ Yue completed softly. 

"Anyways, I'm not surprised they chase you." Touya said, and Yukito blinked for a second before he realized Touya was continuing the conversation. "You're good with people, Yuki. Most guys wouldn't have even bothered talking to those kids. You have to know it's more than just…_that_." he amended hastily, looking around as if reminding himself they were in public. On the other side of the staircase, a couple of punk kids were ambling slowly upwards toward the platform. The purple-haired one stuck out her tongue as they passed by, waggling it mockingly through the space between her thumb and forefinger. 

"Just take it as a compliment and forget about it." Touya finished quickly, and jerked his head back over his shoulder to glare at the kid. The punk slunk away, flipping them off as she went. 

"I guess." Yukito said. And it _was_ kind of flattering, if he thought about it; how people got so much nicer when he talked to them. That at least had nothing to do with magic, as far as he knew—from what Sakura told him, his other half was rarely inclined to mingle. Sad, really. He'd always thought that if you sat down and just gave someone your undivided attention for a while, they'd eventually open up and be nice people underneath. Even the most harried, angry person has a story to listen to, and a sympathetic smile at the right time can really brighten someone's day. _A short smile can go a long way!_ his Grandmother had told him when he was a chi--well, someone had told him, at some point. 

_I did._ Yue supplied and absolutely refused to elaborate, either on the false memory or the completely uncharacteristic saying. Yukito forgot to bite his lip to keep it from wiggling, and in the ensuing argument he managed to frighten no less than three passing businessmen. 

"Crazy." They muttered, and Yukito ducked his head at them sheepishly. Touya looked over at him curiously, but mercifully said nothing. 

They reached the bottom of the station at last and made for the ticket exchange, trading up the cheap tickets they'd purchased for correct ones. Without the proper charge on their stubs, they couldn't make it through the turnstiles. Touya didn't quite have enough change so Yukito floated him a fiver, teasing that it was going on his tab. Touya countered and claimed it was actually _payment_ (toward the bill from their last trip to McDonald's), and they bickered about the difference good-naturedly as they walked toward the gates. The crowd was thick, but not as bad as it had probably been a few minutes ago; there were at least five minutes before the next train arrived. 

A young child passed and pointed at Yukito, telling his mother to "lookit the foreigner!" She smacked his hand away and started apologizing in slow, halting English. Yukito cut her off and told her not to worry about it, in proper Japanese, and she blinked at him in confusion. That, too, was something that happened a lot. Again, he wished briefly for normal, dark hair...or at least, eyes that weren't nearly exotic. The kid merely stared up at him slack-jawed, mesmerized by his unusual features, and Yukito shot him one of his very best smiles. The boy smiled back and allowed his mother to lead him away, waving ecstatically all the way. Yukito waved back and felt warmer just knowing he'd made some random person's day. 

He just wished he could be _sure_ it was the smile, and not his magic, that had delighted the child. 

Touya made a slight coughing sound, and when Yukito looked up his friend was yawning deeply—and slumping so severly that he nearly matched Yukito in height. 

"Hey, you okay there?" he asked, laying a gentle hand on Touya's arm. His eyes widened in surprise, and he jerked his hand away like he had been bitten. 

_God, his face… _

There were thick bags etched deep under Touya's raw, bloodshot eyes, and his ruddy skin was rather pale, as if something had sucked all the life out of them. Yukito inhaled deeply, more than a little alarmed. Touya hadn't looked that bad in the dim light of the platform, but now that they were in the full light of the station… 

"To-ya, you look terrible!" Yukito exclaimed. 

"I've had worse." Touya grumbled and flipped his head to the side. "Don't worry about it. It's just been a long day." Yet something about the way he swayed made Yukito vaguely uneasy…a feeling that reflected back and reverberated in his mind like an echo. 

Yue too, was uneasy. 

Before he could gather his thoughts to ask any more questions, Touya shook his head hard and pulled himself together again. 

"C'mon, let's go find Sakura." he rumbled, and sailed through the turnstiles boldly. Yukito had no choice to follow him out into the plaza, where the roiling crowd threatened to swallow them whole. 

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~ 

They made it to the café a few minutes later, not that it mattered much. Sakura and Tomoyo weren't there yet, hadn't been there yet according to the waitress, and Yukito had his work cut out convincing Touya not to go tearing off after them. 

_We were late, maybe they're just late too. And if anything happens to her, Yue—I will know. There's nothing you can do short of getting yourself lost._ he'd said, and that had finally ended the argument…though not quite the way he'd wanted it to. Touya had hunched over with an angry and…wounded…look in his eyes, and then he'd sat down heavily and ordered a coffee. 

Yukito shredded the ends of his napkin mindlessly, still worried. It wasn't like Touya to be so sharp with him, and it definitely wasn't normal for him to sound so rough about—well, everything. Even the waitress had noticed it; she was so intimidated by the growling tone of Touya's voice that not even Yukito's best smile had managed to coax her back for refills. There was something wrong between them again, a tenseness in the air that wasn't just his imagination, and Yukito couldn't help but feel like it was his fault. 

It was _always_ his fault, lately. 

At least the silence wasn't so deafening anymore. Touya was staring out the window, looking down from the high rise at the plaza below, and Yukito followed his gaze for want of anything better to do. The Shibuya crowds were as rowdy as ever, all the intersections gridlocked by people; in this place, even the cars were in the minority. There were thousands out today, only their heads visible from their seventh story vantage point—a veritable ocean of black and red hair, accented by the occasional blond or white foreigner. 

And of course, the occasional sorcerer. 

Yukito reached out with his sixth sense again and tallied them up in his head, intrigued by the power and flavor of their magic. There was a relatively strong wind mage somewhere off to the west whipping up cool breezes for the people crossing the square, and a fire mage with such an unusual energy signature that he was almost sure the woman was only half-human. He had passed by her earlier down on the square, and even Yue had commented on the strange static in her aura. He was looking forward to meeting her, if he could arrange it; it would be interesting to ask her how she…coped with it all. 

The rest of them were merely blips on his radar, people with a modest amount of magical energy but absolutely no awareness. Their auras reached out to him hungrily, flaring up in uncontrolled spurts as his mental eye passed over them. They were the people who might catch glimpses of power every once in a while—the odd vision of the future, a mysterious run of luck shooting craps—but they would never know the truth of what they had. Or if they did, it was only in the form of a specialized Talent, like Touya's had been…the ability to see ghosts or create illusions, or even stop time for brief instants. Yue had told him that in England there had even been a guild of stage performers called Arestes that used their time Talents to create a stop motion tableau for special effects. Yukito wasn't sure if he believed it or not, but he _had_ gotten the most hilarious picture of a modern-day slam dance with magical strobe lights (at which point Yue had given up entirely). 

--And then suddenly there was one more presence, a strange aura seated at the very extreme of his range. It didn't reach out to him like the other ones did; on the contrary it _pulled_ at him, sucking his probes in and swallowing them completely. 

_Earth magic, probably._ Yue whispered, sending ripples of surprise shooting throughout Yukito's limbs. _It's rare in this part of the world._ He sounded intrigued even, which was itself a rarity, and Yukito realized the melancholy feeling that had settled over them both was starting to vanish in light of the mystery. That alone was encouragement enough. He leaned forward and pushed another tendril of magic out, curious about the sinkhole. He discovered that if he kept his feelers just slightly out of range the forces started to balance each other, the earth mage's returning probes twining with his and orbiting gently somewhere between them. 

_It's sort of like gravity._ He thought excitedly, and sent another feeler flying. Maybe if he pressed hard enough, he could even pinpoint the mage's actual location… 

A sudden sputtering noise caught his attention, and Yukito wheeled around to see Touya choking over his coffee cup, hot liquid dripping out of his nose and mouth. 

"Hey!" he chirped, alarmed. "You okay!?" 

"Gah, went down the wrong pipe." his friend coughed. "Damn, that hurts!" 

Yukito waited patiently as Touya attempted to breathe again, watching attentively for any further signs of distress. Touya looked even more harried than before, and it was all Yukito could do to resist dragging him home and shoving him bodily into bed. 

"Guess that'll teach me to drink and sleep at the same time, eh?" Touya joked, but the jibe seemed to lose its color against his pale, sallow complexion. His eyes flicked away, down to the table…where coffee had spattered over everything. 

"Shit, my textbook!" Touya yelped, and dove for the napkin dispenser. Yukito helped him blot the pages dry, all the while wondering why Touya had gotten it out. 

"I was trying to study for chem." Touya offered, as if reading Yukito's mind. "Make-up exam Thursday." 

"Make-up…?" Yukito blinked. 

"I bombed the last one." Touya sighed. 

"Really?!" 

"Yes,_ really_." Touya fixed him with a wry, I-told-you-so grin. "And here I recall _somebody_ telling me how I shouldn't 'catastrophize' so much. Shows how much you know! I told you that exam was gonna hurt." 

"You just failed it to prove me wrong." Yukito teased, but his heart wasn't in it. Touya had never had problems with that class before—hell, chemistry was his favorite subject! He'd spent most of last semester correcting the professor's formulae, for crying out loud. Once again, Yukito got that strange sense of uneasiness, as if the world was just slightly off-kilter… 

"Anyways, a lot of other people must have tanked it too, else Hayashi wouldn't be giving us a second chance." Touya continued. "I just have to do good this time, that's all. Got a pen?" 

Yukito opened his book bag and provided, too preoccupied to nag Touya about writing in the margins. They both knew damn well that Chem 102 was a weed-out, and "Freshmen-for-Breakfast" Hayashi-sensei was no more likely to give a make-up exam than give free trips to the moon. Which meant that Touya was-- 

_Hiding something. _

Yue derailed his train of thought for the second time that day, and Yukito gasped in spite of himself. The unexpected interruption sliced through his mind with all the subtlety of a kick in the teeth, and he couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed. 

_Pardon?_ he thought back, trying to convey some of his exasperation. It really wasn't fair that Yue could selectively butt into what he was thinking, but he couldn't derail Yue's stupid train of thoughts that easily. 

_You know he was lying to you. Ergo, he's hiding something. You were going to think it anyways, I don't see why you're so upset._ Yue explained stubbornly, and began unfolding himself forcibly inside Yukito's conscious. Yukito felt the usual shiver run through his body, like someone had just tipped a cool glass of water down his shirt, and concentrated on not showing his discomfort. In short bursts, talking to Yue was effortless—as easy as thinking a sentence in his head—but he knew he didn't quite have the control to both communicate and function at the same time. If he got too absorbed in it, he…broadcasted. And when they were together this intensely… 

He inhaled deeply and scooted a little closer toward the window, deciding he could handle it. Touya was engrossed in his chem book anyways, and not liable to look up again any time soon. Yue's presence was a tangible thing in his mind now, a wildly disorienting jumble of emotion and color and memory that normally didn't reach him at all. It was mildly disturbing, and his reflection in the window grimaced back at him violently. 

_There is no make-up exam._ Yue said quietly, returning to business at hand._ He's not studying the same chapters anymore. _

_You noticed?_Yukito blinked, a second before the memory hit him. Yes, they had noticed…two weeks ago when Touya had first started complaining about the test. He'd been worrying about the first few chapters then...but now, he was leafing through the very end of the book. 

_I think he's just failing, period. He can't keep up with everything._

_...it's the magic, isn't it._ Yukito asked woefully, already feeling the familiar burn of guilt deep down in his chest. 

_Yes._ Not so much a reply as a mindless stream of agreement, coupled with a strong sense of shame. _Us._

_I knew it couldn't be coincidence, but…just… why? Why now? Everything was going so well…_

_I…I don't know._ Yue whispered hesitantly, and his confusion rippled around Yukito's consciousness like a fast river current. _It wasn't supposed to be like this._

_No._ Yukito agreed coldly. _It wasn't._

_What's done is done._ Yue cut in, sounding annoyed. _You can't change that. _

_But I bloody well want to!_ Yukito focused on keeping his body still, not tipping over, not starting to yell. _I didn't want this to happen! He never even asked me, he just went ahead and..._

_...saved your life._ There was a strange spike of sadness accompanying the words, and Yukito wasn't quite sure what it meant. 

_That doesn't make it any easier._ He replied, annoyed. _In fact, I think it makes it worse._

_...I know. _

_Can't we do anything_ for him? Yukito pleaded. _Give some of it back, or something?_

Again, that tidal wave of shame. It made him sick to his stomach, taking even the familiar coffee shop smells and turning them foreign and horrible. 

_No._

For a while, neither of them said anything at all. 

_...he got better for a while._ Yukito remembered finally. _Won't he get better again?_

_…perhaps._

_What do you mean, 'perhaps'?_

_Just that, perhaps._ Yue replied in a huff, making Yukito want to shake his fists. _He did seem better over the summer, but now…_

_Clow help us, I think…I think we took too much._

"Yuki?" 

"Huh?" 

Touya was staring at him intensely, with that same protective look Yukito had grown accustomed to back while he was fading. He'd given it to him at school when he nodded off at his desk, when he caught him after he passed out. And he'd given it to Yue too, when he made the deal that had saved both their lives… 

_A devil's bargain._

"Hey, what's with the long face?" Touya pried, giving his foot a friendly nudge beneath the table. "Somebody hurt your 'last feeling'?" 

That _did_ make him smile, and Yukito laughed in spite of himself. That was one of their private things, the in-joke from the time they had both gotten work at a day-care and heard one little girl proclaim that Yukito had 'hurt her last feeling' (for refusing to marry her, of course). Kids were fun stuff. Weird, but fun. 

"No, not recently." he replied. "But you're working on it." 

"Me?!" Touya exclaimed incredulously. "What'd _I_ do?" 

"Well, for one, I seem to recall you reneged on our 'date' back there. What a horrible person, dumping me for your younger sister…" 

"Would you rather the Sailor Seven eat you for dinner instead?" Touya retorted. "I'm sure you'd fetch a lovely price on the meat market." 

"Not really, I'm kinda scrawny…" 

"They'd just need a decent marinade." 

They slipped into the easy rhythm of their usual give-and-take, teasing each other back and forth in ways only best friends know how, and Yukito found himself relaxing in the informal ritual. It was so much fun just to lose himself in the flow of the argument, to find all the right spots to poke at to make Touya sputter. To find that perfect retort when the ball bounced back in his court. Like this, he could almost forget that things weren't normal between them. Like this, he could sit back and pretend they were young again, wasting time together in study hall in that blessed year just before the whole world started going crazy-- 

--And then Touya yawned and his head dropped alarmingly, bobbing crazily back and forth like one of the rubbernecked Hula dolls on a taxi driver's dashboard. 

"Damn, I'm tired." he sighed, and propped his head up against one shaky hand. His eyes fluttered rapidly, but Yukito knew it was only a matter of time before his friend lost the battle. He knew what that feeling was like, when your eyelids got so heavy it felt like they were crafted out of lead, and he knew there was no way of stopping it... 

"To-ya..." 

Touya shifted again and buried his head in his arms like a grade schooler, slouching forward over his open textbook as if it were an overly flat pillow. The waitress scowled but said nothing, still happier to stand in the corner and watch from a distance. 

"Yuki, you mind if—" 

"No, not at all." he said hastily. "I'll watch for Sakura-chan." 

"Thanks." Touya mumbled, barely audible. "'m just gonna rest my eyes for a minute…" 

He was out in an instant, slumped over with a bone-weary expression that Yukito recalled seeing only once before…on his own face, in the mirror ten months ago. 

Ten months ago...when he had nearly faded out of existence. 

_I think...I think we took too much._

Yukito swallowed hard and rubbed his friend's back gently, schooling his features into something approximating his usual grin. He smiled at Touya warmly, but inside he was cold…colder than he'd ever been before in his life. 

* * *

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